Learning Through Tension: What Our Students Teach Us

Throughout this year, we’ve noticed a rising tension in one of our mentor circles as we navigated complex group dynamics. Many of our students share deep histories and strong connections because of how interconnected their community is. While that closeness is a gift, it also brings challenges—old conflicts, misunderstandings, and emotional highs and lows that don’t easily disappear.

Over time, those dynamics led us to make a difficult decision: to split the group into two. It wasn’t something we took lightly, but we believed it would create healthier spaces for growth and connection.

At our first meeting in this new setting, one of the girls asked why the group had been split. She shared that she missed “her boys.” In another group, I asked the boys a simple question: “Why are y’all so rude to each other?”

Their response surprised me.
“It’s just our daily dose,” one of them said. “It’s just how we talk and be friends.”

What we had perceived as rising tension, they experienced as a normal way of relating—a language of friendship shaped by their environment and shared history.

Moments like this remind us that while we show up to teach, guide, and support, we also show up to learn. When we slow down, ask questions, and bring curiosity into conversations, students help us see the world through their eyes. And when they’re given space to speak freely and honestly, real understanding begins to grow.

This is the heart of mentoring: walking alongside students, listening deeply, and being willing to grow together.

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